Day 7 - Krazzik

I feel so much more powerful...but I digress. We've rescued Voodoo Taz and it's time to make our way back to Bogskunk.

Voodoo Taz is full of all sorts of useful information. Like the fact that he doesn't have a Fey Goblin apprentice. The fact that he knew Krazzik was going to sell him out. The fact that he still has a job for us to do, only it's a different job than rescuing him from a bunch of gnolls.

See, Taz wants to resurrect Ten Claws, the old orc General who united the tribes of greenskins in the first place. Only some Archmage named Renaldar knows that's his plan and is doing everything in his power to keep Taz from completing this goal. See Taz had a map he made of all the places they buried parts of Ten Claw's body (which they cut into 4 pieces for some reason, like a quartered chicken) only somebody stole it while he was being held hostage. We're guessing that was Loopy the fake apprentice.

There's also a book, written by Cyfus Necros, or something like that, that details all the things that happened to Ten Claws after uniting the tribes and winning the war. Voodoo Taz thinks bringing him back will allow us to retake the lands that the humans and demi-humans stole from us.

He's got a plan, which somehow involves us invading a human school of magic, and meeting with some agent of his named Harper, but before we delve into all that there's another loose end the rest of us are more interested in tying up: Krazzik.

We take Taz and head over to Krazzik's to confront him, and this is when we have to deal with his two ogre-y bodyguards. This fight should go quickly, because we pretty much get to unload knowing that we're going to get some rest shortly after. We burn everything we have. Plant guy is knocking people down, Voodoo Taz is reigning down fire from the heavens and the rest of us are just going hog wild on these fools.

We finally burn them to the ground and Taz uses some kind of demon bottle to suck Krazzik's soul out of his body and put him on the ground. I have a bad feeling we haven't seen the last of Krazzik, but for now we get some sleep...

NIFTY QUOTES FROM THIS SESSION


Eli: The dwarves and humans allied with the dragons, and the elves allied with the Sky Lords.
Travis: Wait, who's on our side? Is it really just goblins, minotaurs and one f*cking robot?!


***


Travis: Who is Renaldar?
Dave: He already answered that!
Travis: ...I wasn't listening.


***


Farone: You people call him 'Boss' because you're ignorant.
Travis: What do you mean 'you people'?
Farone: Oh, not you...


***


Eli: He's in 4 pieces.
Travis: How do you even do that?
Farone: Head, torso...upper leg area...lower...feet?
Todd: It's probably head, torso, legs, penis.
Renee: Was it an ex-girlfriend that cut him up?
Todd: Then it's probably body and 3 pieces of penis.


***


Farone: Isn't your name Sh*t Big?
Travis: It's Shintauro.
Farone: Which is minotaur for...
Todd: Sh*t Big.


***


Eli: Anyone who doesn't fight for our side is enslaved.
Todd: If you ain't with us you're against us.
Farone: Actually it's "if you ain't with us you work for us...but not by choice".


***


Renee is examining the Warforged miniature.
Renee: Why is your stick all bent?
Todd: Is what she said...
Travis: If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.
Renee: No, I mean it's bent on this end, and then it's forked on that end. Like a dragon's penis, apparently.
Farone: As a Warforged I have all sorts of attachments.


***


Travis: I get +4 to my defenses, so what did he hit me with?
Eli: A 31.
Travis: Ah. Well, that still hits me.
Farone: Only by 7 though.


***


Travis: Hmm...I interrupt and...he takes 23 points of damage.
Eli: Ok.
Travis: Wait. Let me look at this card...
Todd: ...and see what this ability actually does...


***


Eli: He'll try to attack from the ground, which I believe is a -2.
Farone: -3 with a reach weapon...stop laughing! He's buying it.


***


Travis: Renee doesn't take that penalty because tentacles.
Farone: Nice.
Todd: Well played.


***


Farone: Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?
Travis: I just did.
Farone: Now that you're bloodied! I could have used a minor to heal you last round if I'd known!
Travis: Did you think I've been prone the entire fight because I was tired?!


***


Eli: What's the range on that attack?
Renee: Uh...really far.


***


Travis: Dave, you and I now have this row of enemies flanked.
Dave: We do?
Eli: Theoretically...
Travis: Which means we get a theoretical +2.


***


Travis is rolling 3d6.
Travis: 3...8...6.
Todd: Wait. You said 3, so I assumed you rolled a 3. Then you said 8, so I figured you were adding. Then you said 6...so you rolled a -2?
Travis: They're Renee's dice, so they're fishy.
Farone: Yeah, her dice are covered with negatives.
Todd: Suddenly a lot of things make more sense.


***


Dave: He was already prone, but all my attacks knock the enemy prone, so he's prone again.
Renee: Is there such a thing as Super Prone? Because there's apparently superior cover.
Farone: There's no Super Prone. That's dumb. There is, however, a Mega-Prone.